Patience, grasshopper

My University application was sent off by my school about a week ago. I don't have any offers yet, and I am so impatient to get some (although it hasn't been long at all yet). I am just not at all good at waiting patiently. And I hate the fact that I have no control over what happens. There is nothing I can do now to make them accept me. And I am terrified that I won't get any offers. Although at the same time (I don't mean this in a snobby way) I don't really think I am expecting a rejection. I mean I know that I could get rejected, but I think that if I do it will still take me quite a lot by surprise. 

And that brings me on to the other thing that I wanted to talk about. Showing that you care. If something bad happens (like a rejection from a university for example) then I will always pretend to everyone that I don't care. That it doesn't bother me. I didn't want it that much anyway. Even though inside I know that I do care. I care a lot. But I can never admit that to people. Because if I can convince them that I don't care, I can convince myself too. But of course that doesn't work. You can't fool yourself. Or if you do it can only be for a brief moment.

The other thing is that I don't want to look weak. Admitting that I care and admitting that I am upset is showing weakness. But that is stupid. Because if someone else were to say that they were upset I wouldn't see them as weak at all. I would see it as normal, expected. 

So if you can admit to people that you are upset and you do care I admire you.

Freya x