This is Really Happening

I have accepted one university offer, chosen one as an insurance choice, and declined the other three. My student finance application has been completed and approved. Come September I will really be heading off to University.

I am so incredibly excited! My friends are nervous about school ending, moving away, and everything changing. But I can't wait for things to change. Not because my life is terrible - because it isn't. Or because I am unhappy - because I am not. But because I actually like change. I want the excitement of a new place. I want somewhere new, somewhere different, and altogether better. Somewhere where I can be whoever I want to be. Somewhere where I can completely reinvent myself and become a totally different person. Not that I will, but it is nice to know that the opportunity is there.

It is strange though, because this time last year I had a completely different plan in mind. I wanted to jet off to America for university, or take a gap year and become an Au pair. When I started thinking about this I wondered what had happened to that girl? The brave girl with big plans who was willing to throw caution to the wind and live while she was young. Am I still that girl? Or did I get scared and decide to take the safe option? Am I making a huge mistake? Am I going to regret not taking a gap year, or becoming an Au pair, or studying abroad?

These questions filled my mind. I didn't know what to do. And to be honest I still didn't know when I sat down to write this post. But that is one of the many wonderful things about blogging: it helps you to see things more clearly. For me it does anyway. Writing it all down helps me to organise my thoughts and figure things out. And now I know that I'm not making a mistake. Going to University here in England is the right thing for me.

Freya x

Looking Back

I have had this blog for over a year now, and I was randomly wondering how much I have changed since my first ever post (which was in may 2012). So I had a look at it, and surprisingly not much has really changed.

I mean I am no longer obsessed with reading fanfiction or glee. But I am pretty sure that I have new TV show obsessions to replace that.

The other thing that I noticed was that in that first ever post I was worrying about choosing my A-level options. That is pretty similar to right now, in that I am now choosing which universities to apply to. I have pretty much chosen, but I still do this thing where I will keep changing my mind right up until the last minute. And then in the end I will choose what I chose in the first place. I don't know why that is, I am just really bad at making decisions. I am always scared that I will make the wrong ones.

Something that has changed since then is that I thought that I had to have my whole life figured out. Now I have decided what degree I want to do, but beyond that I have no idea. And that is okay. I don't have to decide everything now, because even if I do I will probably change mind by the time that time comes anyway.

Similarly to that first post, I am going to leave you with a quote from my favourite book:

"You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present" - Looking for Alaska by John Green

Growing Up

On Friday I went round my friend's house, she can drive now so she picked us (me and 3 other friends) up from school. Being in a car driven by my friend I actually felt so grown up. Grown up in a good way. The type of grown up that gives you freedom and independence.

But lately I have also been feeling like I am grown up in a bad way. The kind of grown up where I have to make big life decisions. I say that this is 'grown up in a bad way' because it is scary, and I don't know if I am ready to make decisions that could affect my whole future. But will I ever be ready? Is anyone ever ready? Does anyone really know what they want to do? Maybe a few do. But I think that for most of us we just have to take the leap. We have to decide something, and hope to god that we chose well.

I went to a University fair with school last week and I think that I have decided that I want to study psychology. What I want to do after that I don't know. But hey, I still have a few years to figure that one out.

Freya x

Subject Choices

My subject choices for next year are due on Tuesday. We only carry on 3 of our A levels, and get to drop the other one. Up until yesterday I was sure that I wanted to drop German, but after yesterdays reslts I am thinking that maybe I should drop Biology. The thing is the thought of doing German for another year after this fills me with dread. The only thing that has been getting me through German this year is that I can drop it at the end of the year. At the same time as hating it though, I kind of like learning German. But I prefer Biology. I think that maybe I am better at German though, and I don't want to carry on Biology if I get a bad grade again in the summer.

If only I could drop them both, and just do Psychology and History. That would make me very happy. But that cannot happen, so I shall have to choose one. It is just so hard to decide which one I am less rubbish at (even though for some reason my predicted grades are A's).

Freya x

London

So I went to London yesterday to go to a University fair, and it struck me how different London feels after having gone to NYC. Being the small town girl that I am, London has always been the big busy city, but yesterday it really didn't seem busy. There were quite a few people at Trafalgar square when we walked past, but really it wasn't very busy at all. Maybe it is the time of year or something.

But anyway it was the first nice day we have had in a while, and it was so nice to just be able to walk from the Conference centre (where the University fair was held), to the theatre. Google chrome has it's own spell check, and for some reason it seems to think that centre is spelt center and theatre is spelt theater, so I just had an intense moment of questioning my entire life because I can no longer spell. I'm just kidding, but I did become rather confused, and had to do three different spell checks.... So anyway side track aside, what was I actually saying in this post? Aah yes London. So anyway I went to see the Musical Jersey Boys, which was good, but doesn't beat We Will Rock You for my favourite musical ever. 

So anyway this spell check is really confusing me, so I need to go find some way to turn it off. 

Freya x

"I go to seek a great perhaps"

"I go to seek a great perhaps" - the last words of a poet named Francois Rabelais as written in the book Looking for Alaska.

In the book the main character, Miles, wants to go to boarding school so that he doesn't have to wait until he dies to start seeking a great perhaps. And I was thinking that I would like to find my Great Perhaps. So I finally decided once and for all that I am going to go to University in America. Once I had decided this I finally stopped feeling scared about University, and started to feel excited (although a little scared still of course, but good scared).

I will have to take the SATs and because I am hoping to get a scholarship for part of the tuition fees I will have to work really hard, but I know that I want to do this so I don't mind. I know that I want to experience a new culture and be completely away from everything I know for a while. It feels great to finally know what I want to do after school (even though I still don't know which university I wan't to go to), because for so long all I have felt when someone mentions University is panic and uncertainty.

Freya x